im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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