Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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