Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
