I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
