I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
