I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
