sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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