I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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