i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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