Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
