i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
