New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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