i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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