Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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