I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
