the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
