Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
