i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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