He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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