I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
