i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize