Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
