That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
