Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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