I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize