my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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