I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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