i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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