If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize