Your dad touched me again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
