you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the day after is always just damage control
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
