based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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