I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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