it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize