Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
