He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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