Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
