lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
