At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
