I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize