Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
