she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
