I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
