he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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