You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
