This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
