O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize