Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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