now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
