Swine flu. Run for my life!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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