Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
