I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize