I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
