when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
