I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
