theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize