how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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