you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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