So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize