Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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