xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
