I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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