the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
