after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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