sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Farmville is her only friend.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize