Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
