So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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