covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
