dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
