I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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