Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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