You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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