why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
