no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
