Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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