I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
