Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
