Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
