I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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